I don't really use this site.
Look for me here: http://www.knottyyarn.com
Today my head felt like it wanted to explode. I don't mean in the 'oh man this really hurts' kinda way (besides for me that feels more like my head is going to implode) but in the way that my brain feels like it wants to detatch itself from me and fly out into the sky. I don't know why it does that.
I was driving the other day when a safety yellow convertible car (rare in Wellington due to the hit and miss weather) drove past. The driver was a middle aged man, balding from the front with the long hair at the back to make up for it and in the passenger seat was what I could only hope was his child. Neither of them looked like they were having fun. It was wrong. I thought the whole idea of having a convertible was because they are fun. Perhaps they have had the car for a while and the novelty wore off. Maybe the father was pissed off that it was his child next to him and not some sexy young thing in a bikini. It could have been the child was annoyed because the car doesn't talk like Jimmy's dad's car does. Or was it their faces trying to battle the mighty oncoming wind.
Sooooo...I've been single for two weeks.
After being in a 5+ year relationship with someone I loved (and still love) tremendously, I am now back in the single world.
I, uh...I mean...so...this has not been easy to cope with. It's a complicated break, not my decision, and I'm trying to be as understanding and okay with it as possible. But it's hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life. Well, except for the one time I thought my mother was going to die. But whereas death is inevitable and it's actually a fact of life I can understand, I didn't think this break-up was inevitable nor do I fully understand it.
There's still a lot of love between us, which is comforting but also not. I know that this isn't actually the end of our relationship but the beginning of a different version of it. It's just that I want the old version back. I thought we'd be together forever. Or at least a while longer.
Everyone tells me that I'm awesome and amazing and will have no trouble finding someone new. But that's little consolation when a) I don't actually believe I'm awesome and amazing and b) I don't actually want someone new.
One of my favorite songs is "Crystal Ball" by the band Keane:
Oh crystal ball, crystal ball save us all
Tell me life is beautiful
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Oh crystal ball hear my song
I'm fading out
Everything I know is wrong
So put me where I belong
I wish I had a goddamn crystal ball right now.
Lost in the bitterness,
there are times when it is so easy to just throw it all away.
Where do we all end up?
Where does it all go?
Full of regret,
It's all a crock.
The bitterness is lost,
there are times when it is so hard to get it all back.
Where we go isn't as important as where our minds are.
It's all thinking too hard. My head hurts, words squirt. Out of my mouth. They drip down my collar. Forming a pool of paragraphs. My thoughts drowning. The heart circled by the protruding fin of the mind. BUt really, I'm ok. Finding words from yesterday.
Remember to read the things you write down.
Rush flavour, evil fantasy. Mystery club special. Invite your friends to the dawn of sorrow. The deadly silence screams 'what's new?...'
Eclipse kisses. Information membership rages fear. Inches ruin the radio.
The glove was knit with Hello Yarn's hand-dyed sock yarn. The pattern was S.W.A.K. Knits' multi-gauge glove pattern.
What's up? Does everyone have the book now? Can we assign the first reading?
Also -- this is neat:
http://www.librarything.com/
Nikol is looking for volunteer knitters and designers for knitwear burlesque show. Details here.
